August 26th, 2026
Today after work I came home and looked at instagram reels on my phone for multiple hours while having a little bit of a panic attack. My plan was to come home, go to the grocery store, get some food, and knock out some items on my ever-growing list of chores. I got food delivered, went to the store at 9 pm, and now it is 10 and I will be going to bed soon with another evening wasted. This is not an unusual night for me, I am not proud of it but I am also very conscious about the fact that I do not wish to continue to live my life this way. I have spent a significant amount of my life imagining myself as somebody who enjoys creating more than consuming, as someone who has bold and unique ideas, but that version has never actually materialized. I began telling myself that it was too late, I have a career now and in order to become the person I once thought I could be I would need to commit myself completely. Lately I've started to realize that notion is bullshit and you can kinda just decide to change one day, and when you start changing little by little someday you will look back unable to recognize the person you were when you started. Today was a big step in that direction for me. As dumb as it feels to be proud of, I deleted instagram off of my phone for the first time in probably over a decade. In a perfect world, tomorrow is when I begin to take full control of my life and begin the journey to becoming the person I have always wanted to be.